I sit at my desk for a full five minutes before a single finger attempts a keystroke. There is a level of shock, frustration, and disappointment that rushes through my veins.
A little over 24 hours ago, I received a call from my landlord and unit owner. He shared the unfortunate news that some individuals were interested in moving forward with purchasing what I considered home. The place where I've laid my head for the past five years.
If you have read any of my previous personal essays, you know I've been very transparent about resigning from my job last December to protect both my mental and physical health. I was over the stress and strain of working in ad agencies, not getting proper sleep, and losing my appetite. I thought I could simply get a local part-time job at a school or at Trader Joe's to supplement my income. It has been nearly a year since I took that risk, and I have not been able to do so.
I blew through whatever finances I had to continue paying bills, rent, etc. I was able to get a couple of clients for podcast production, but I dropped one client due to their inconsistent schedule and delays in paying on time. I still have the other client, but I won't be doing work for them again until the new year, as it's an interview-based podcast.
There were moments of optimism. Within the last couple of months, I had multiple interviews, compared to the radio silence I experienced for the majority of 2026. But with each potential opportunity, rejection followed soon after.
Even with the possibility of losing my current apartment, if I could at least get a new job, I could have focused on moving somewhere locally so that I could stay in NJ rather than having to go back to NYC.
I have so much anger about how the recruitment process has been a slap in the face to me and millions of other Americans. Requesting unpaid assignments for non-technical roles should be banned. The length of the process should be greatly reduced. While I've never worked in recruitment, I have interviewed individuals in the past, and it's pretty easy to assess whether someone is right for a role or not.
One company made me wait 30 calendar days before rejecting me for reasons that could have been identified by simply reviewing my résumé. Everyone else gave me the usual, "We've decided to go with someone else." And when I follow up to ask for feedback, I never get a response.
In those instances, I automatically assume it's because I am Black. Throughout this entire year, not a single member of leadership or hiring manager I've interviewed with has been Black. This is extremely important because, more often than not, these companies discuss whether someone is a culture fit.
What is company culture when the majority of the staff is white?!
It takes a lot of energy not to vent about all of these companies on LinkedIn and hold them accountable for their inhumane practices. Don't even get me started on that cesspool of a platform.
So now I am in the position where I have to sell whatever I can to get some money, try to move, and find a place to live until I get back on my feet. And it's just crazy that it has come to this.
I feel numb. I feel emotions I cannot share right now. I feel sadness. I just want to live and do the things that everyone else is doing.
Again, it makes me think about how it feels like I am being punished for protecting myself.
And yes, we can dive deeper into the economy, the administration, etc., but my thing is this: Do the people in power think this is okay? Do they think there won't be repercussions? Do they think people will just lie down and allow them to continue walking all over their backs?
I don't know the answers to any of those hypothetical questions, and I'm not sure they really even matter in the grand scheme of things.
I am now here, waving the white flag. I can no longer put up a fight for my home and now need to scramble and start over…
Yet again.
