I wish I could read people's minds.
I wish I could know when you said you wanna try it out, did you really want to?
I wish I could know when you said the things you said, did you mean it?
I wish I could know if she really liked me.
I wish I could know if she ready for me.
I wish I could know if it is truly worth it.
I wish I could know if it can sustain. If it can last.
I wish I could know if that employer is really gonna call me back.
I wish I could know if the politician really cared.
I wish I could know when you lied.
I wish I could know when your intent wasn't pure.
I wish I could know if you were aware of what you're ruining.
I wish I could know if you know what you were depriving yourself of.
I wish I could know if you know how ungrateful you are.
I wish I could know if you know how fucked up you are.
I wish I could know if you knew better.
I wish I could know if you would do better.
I wish I could read people's minds.
Maybe it's better that I can't.
Ugh, this one is a mixed bag of emotions. This was either written in late 2022 or sometime in 2023. I say this because most of it refers to a woman I was briefly dating in 2022, who blindsided me by wanting to end things after a pivotal moment in our “relationship,” even though it seemed like we had no issues.
I can read some of the anger and frustration toward the end of the piece. I even think this portion, “I wish I could know if that employer is really gonna call me back. I wish I could know if the politician really cared,” isn't really relevant. It feels more like an expression of frustration, trying to redirect that energy elsewhere rather than giving this person so much power over my emotional state.
I can sense the pain here, but also the anger. I've long debated writing about that experience, but I always stop myself because I start asking, “Have I truly healed from that experience if I still want to write about something that happened four years ago?”
Who knows? Maybe one day.
